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Prosecutor: Jas
Matt always misses calls.When he went hiking, he was completely unreachable for two days.
My husband, Matt, has always been a bit of a technophobe, but lately he’s started turning off his cell phone, putting it on airplane mode, or leaving it at home. That’s not practical.
Matt has a very old iPhone and refuses to upgrade. He said he wants to go completely “off tune” and “remove technology from the center of my life.” That’s fine, but we live in a big city. Even though Matt is eco-friendly, he still has a car, TV, dishwasher, and radio at home. We are not hippies. So his approach to phone calls is extreme and a bit hypocritical. His family always complains that they can’t answer the phone because the phone is turned off. He only turns it on for emergencies and to schedule work.
When I first met Matt 10 years ago, he was on Facebook. He has since deleted all his social media profiles, thinks technology is spying on us and selling our data, and has become paranoid about using Alexa in his home. . I agree, but I still want to be able to contact each other. In today’s world, a phone is a necessity.
He recently went on a “no-tech hike” in the countryside with a childhood friend. He hated not being able to talk to her husband whenever he wanted. Matt didn’t pick up his phone, but one of his friends did, just to be safe. Before he left, he emailed this friend to ask about the situation, but received no response. Two days into his three-day hike, he received a text message saying everything was fine, but he was disgusted. That was 48 hours after he left.
Matt came back four days later as planned and called me ahead of time from his friend’s cell phone to let me know when he would be home. When I saw him, I was annoyed. I didn’t understand why, since he said he stopped using technology, but I pointed out that that didn’t mean he could ignore my emails.
Matt originally worked as a graphic designer, but after the pandemic he retrained as a gardener. Because I’m happier when I’m outside and not looking at a screen all day. However, he needs to remember that being available is important to our relationship.
Defense: Matt
The more we remove our phones from the center of our lives, the happier we will be.Jas should thank me
My aversion to cell phones developed slowly in my early 20s, but it crystallized during the pandemic. Working from home and having bad news constantly streamed into my brain from my laptop or smartphone wasn’t good for me.
This inspired me to switch careers to spend less time with technology and more time outdoors. I still need my phone for work, but I keep it to a minimum and turn it off when I don’t need it. This irritates Jas. Since she works from her home, she would appreciate it if I emailed her during the day to check in and discuss what to have for dinner, but it doesn’t really matter to me.
If Jas tells me to leave my phone on for some reason or check it at a certain time, I’ll do it. But if I don’t have to, I won’t.
Jas says the reason he was upset about the hike was because I didn’t call my friend on his cell phone for two days. In fact, she was annoyed even before I left the house. A completely technology-free holiday. Jas tried to talk me out of it, but I refused to take the iPhone away. She said it was irresponsible. She said it was my choice. But when I got back to her house, she apologized for stressing her out because I didn’t message her from her friend’s phone.
The more we remove our phones from the center of our lives, the more content we will become. They are not good for us. My dream is to go completely off-grid and live on a remote solar-powered farm with no phone and no Wi-Fi for him, but Jas can’t live without Instagram and the animals… hate. She’s always scrolling or she’s looking at two things at the same time. I told her it was bad for her concentration and mental health, but she wouldn’t listen.
She says that not being able to contact each other is bad for your mental health, but it’s also good to take breaks from each other and make plans in person. As we use less cell phones, we have become more accountable to each other. If anything, Jas should be thanking me instead of blaming me.
Guardian readers judge
Should Matt leave his phone on?
Matt buys a basic phone with no internet access and must keep it turned on in case of an emergency. It’s okay to set texting boundaries, but they have to be reasonable in a digital world with needy partners.
Kate, 27 years old
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Matt is right about big data, but the desire to go off-grid doesn’t compare to the obvious anxiety it’s causing Jas. To minimize digital noise and still remain reachable, you have to compromise with a dumb phone.
Janet, 34 years old
This isn’t about phone habits, it’s more like a tug-of-war with each person trying to subjugate the other. Forget about turning on your phone. You need to talk about your expectations (directly!) right away. Otherwise, you won’t be able to get away with just having your phone turned off.
Kelly, 63 years old
I don’t like cell phones, but they are a necessary evil. Traveling without effective means of communication is selfish and naive. What do you do if your family has an emergency? It is not enough to be able to contact someone through a friend. I think Matt is immature and needs to grow up.
Simon, 63 years old
They were both on the same page when it came to technology when they met, so it’s unfair and quite unpleasant for Jas to have to deal with this big switch. Matt needs to compromise. Perhaps you can schedule a technology-free time that you both agree on?
Osen, 19 years old
Now you’re the judge
Tell us in our online poll: Should Matt use his cell phone more?
Voting ends Thursday, December 28th at 10am
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